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What Makes Us
Adults?
When do we become men or women? When do we
become "adults?" Is it a spontaneous process that occurs at a
certain age? Does it happen with puberty? Or is the concept based on cultural
requirements, rather than physical ones?
From an evolutionary standpoint, physical
maturity occurs at puberty when we are capable of reproduction. However,
being sexually mature does not necessarily ensure we possess the values that
would allow us to be considered adults in our society. The gap between
sexual and emotional maturity has been widening over hundreds if not
thousands of years. In our supposedly civilized society, our children are
protected from the awful "burden" of adulthood often into their
late 20's.
Thousands of years ago, and in some tribal
societies that exist today, maturity and adult status arrive during the
early teen years. This transformation is celebrated with a number of solemn
ceremonies intended to instill in the individual the importance of the
transition. What makes them adults at this point is not their age, but
their willingness to accept the responsibilities which define adult status
in their society.
Be Responsible
Taking responsibility for our actions and then living with the
consequences is the first step in making the transition from childhood to
adulthood. Don't look for someone else to blame.
Be Honest
Tell the truth and try not to let circumstances "color" the
truth. In spite of how difficult it may seem at the time, being truthful is
the simplest and most honest approach. Most importantly, be honest with
yourself. This will allow you to develop more easily where the
"truth" lies. Look inside yourself, we
all know the difference between right and wrong, but we just don't look
often enough.
Be Compassionate
Try not to look away from the suffering of others. Helping someone in
need shows great strength of character and makes us more human. It will be
returned a thousand fold. Remember, you may one day need a little
compassion yourself.
Be Determined
Don't give up. All problems have a solution, we
just need to look harder for some. Adult life continuously puts stones in
our path. The more of these stones we remove ourselves, the more confident
we are in our ability to solve problems. Remember, we can accomplish
anything we wish if we want it enough.
Don't be Afraid to
Fail
Failure is only a stepping stone to success. Try! If you have tried your
best and failed, eventually you will succeed. The only true failure occurs
when we give up.
Gaurd Your Values
Do not, in the face of circumstances, compromise your values. Don't do
something that is against your better judgment. Do what you believe is
"right" in spite of all outside pressures. Ultimately we are
judged by this value system and "labels" have a tendency to stick
with us for a long time.
Be Careful of
Friendships
We are often judged by the company we keep. Choose your friends
carefully. Try to choose friends who have similar values. Guard your friendships.
You will only have a few true friends in your lifetime and they should be
treasured like gold. You will never be "poor" if you have
friends.
Learn to Like Yourself
Self-esteem is often troublesome, particularly when we are just
beginning to learn about life. There will be a number of people ready and
willing to point out your faults. Try to learn from honest criticism, but
don't allow others to change your perception of yourself. The capacity to
love and be loved is completely dependent upon our ability to like
ourselves first.
Have a Positive
Attitude
Start each day fresh. Every morning we have
an opportunity to set the tone with which we approach that day. Find
something to be happy about and something to look forward to each day. Life
and our approach to living is ten percent what actually happens and the
other ninety percent is how we react to what happens. If you can find the
good in all situations or at least find some good, your life will be much
happier. There are very few things in life important enough to require
sadness or worry. Learn to recognize what is and is not important, and deal
with the important matters with as much humor as possible.
Sa Bum Nim
Jon Simonds
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